Cringe people run the world

Hello June! Goodbye June! This month used to be a pretty 'whatever' month in my mind, but now it's such a milestone month - this time last year I was literally in labour! Back then we called my daughter 'junebug' because of her due date. Now she's walking, talking and learning new things every day. What a wild year!

It's now less than two months until I go to Arizona for the rest of the year (and then some). I am both excited and daunted by such a big change, which always sends me a little philosophical. My June email looks a little like this:

• Long piece: Cringe people run the world
• Comic: a snippet from a zine-in-progress about contemplating motherhood
• Book review: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller
• Moments of delight

Minor update is that I got a retrolens digicam for my recent trip to France. I wanted a film camera experience without the fiddliness of film and it was exactly that. Decent quality camera, point and shoot, easy transfer onto your phone, film-ish photos. Absolutely loved it!

Cringe people run the world

This is not a unique thought, or a unique observation. But I want to write about it anyway.

Elon Musk just became the world's first trillionaire (blegh). I think Elon is super cringe. I also think many of his business practices are unkind, his genius overblown, and I have personal beef with him for ruining Twitter (RIP bird app). But aside from that, I just find him so embarrassing to watch - and know many people share my feelings as well ("He's Michael Scott meets Doctor Evil").

Whether you like the concept of a trillionaire or not, this new status shows there is great power in ignoring your cringe. And it supports a theory I have had for years now that cringe people actually run the world.

"Cringe" is hard to define. You know it when you feel it. It's that second-hand embarrassment seeing someone do something you would feel humiliated to be found doing, when you recognise a violation of social norms. It's a frequent hallmark of high school, when everyone is in the process of becoming, in-groups and out-groups are strong, and rejection is just so painful.

But maybe you still feel it when you see a drama kid burst into unapologetic musical number. Maybe you feel it when you find out a friend uses baby speak with their mum. Maybe you feel it when you see someone chug a beer, or pronounce "croissant" in a foreign accent, or show up to your business-casual workplace in a three-piece suit, or cry in a video on the internet. All of these things I have found cringe in the past, most of them I really don't care about anymore (it just depends on the musical number).

Cringe is almost entirely subjective. And I believe it's something that generally fades as we grow and expand our understanding of what social norms can be. If you're using these moments of cringe as real footholds for your assessment of other people, you'll lose out on a lot of really valuable connection.

There's a lot of growth to be had making friends with people who aren't 'cool'. People who are unafraid to be against a social norm are the people who are unafraid to make things, do things and be things that stand out and make a difference.

And the thing is, if you hold too much cringe about the rest of the world, you also end up shuttering yourself with self-cringe. It stops you before you get started, and stunts your ability to move your life towards one you dream about. No one illustrates this better to me than Taylor Swift.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love Taylor Swift. But I was not always so loud about it, because Taylor is just so cringe. In high school my favourite bands were Radiohead (legends), Bon Iver (trendy) and then some indie and/or folk bands you've probably not heard of (so cool). But I was also quietly staying up for the midnight release of 1989, and dancing to Fearless in my bedroom. It wasn't until 2019 that I had to face myself - when Taylor popped up as my #1 artist of the decade on Spotify. For the last five years running - the stats don't lie - I've been a top 1% listener worldwide.

Are you cringing?

The thing is, I also cringe at Taylor Swift. I think she's dorky, I think she's awkward, and the release of 'ME!' made me want to shrivel up and hide my face. But who cares? She's undeniably incredible. She's relentless. She's determined. And she never lets a bad lyric stop her from finishing a song.

This week she became the youngest woman (and second-youngest person) to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. This was off the back of her 3.5-hour, record-breaking, two-year tour, which was born from the premise of owning every era of yourself, your emotions and your naïveté (imagine me saying that with a French accent). Some might cringe from their past - but not Taylor, she trotted it out on full display and knew that what it really showed was growth.

Being cringe is incredibly vulnerable, it feels wrong to our socially oriented brains to do anything that might violate social acceptance. Some of the most amazing people I know experienced real social-shaming in their adolescence, but as they made peace with who they are - they found a power that lets them be visible, try new things, and be brave to put their whole selves out into the world. Long-term Swifties watched that entire journey play out publicly for Taylor Swift in 2015 - and her best music was on the other side, along with the confidence to challenge industry norms and advocate for better rights for artists.

The caveat here is that of course a little bit of self-doubt is good. Staying critical of your own work, self-reflective and open to feedback is essential for growth and also just to not be a dickhead (Elon). We should care about how we impact others, and that our contributions to society are good.

But too much cringe stops you from actually emerging into yourself. Being unapologetic about who you are is not the same as never reflecting on who you are.

One of my best friends gets tattoos like I get haircuts, and she blew my mind when she told me that the trick to not feeling cringe about your tattoos is to accept this simple fact: all tattoos are cringe. There are no cool tattoos – they are all lame as hell. Just pick something you like, and don't worry about it too much.

What I believe now is that we're all going to be cringe tattoos. The challenge is to accept that, be something you like now, and make your mark anyway.

Book review: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

This is a review I posted in 2021, after spending most of a day finishing this book. I recently had another book completely soak me up, which is much rarer these days, and it made me reflect fondly on this one. What a joy to dive so deeply into a world.

I could not put down The Song of Achilles, it had me up late into the night as I was completely swept up by this stunning story nestled within the Greek legends.

This is a story of love, power, pride, friendship, prophecy and legacy. It paints such a vivid and real picture of Greece during the time of legends, and contrasts ambition with love, highlighting the warping nature of fame and pride, and the strength of choosing a person over and over.

Miller presents a love to go down for the ages, and this story is filled with so many gut-wrenching moments as you watch the prophecies foretold come to fruition. To quote the great contemporary poet Swift: “what a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair.” You cry, but you’re grateful to be there all the same.

This is a book that deserves every drop of its acclaim.

Moments of Delight

All but one taken on my retrolens camera!

Indy